Inspired to Trust
It was a typical busy day at work. To my dismay and surprise a meeting invite popped up late afternoon for a conference call with my supervisor, Ken. I worked at an office in Maryland and he is based out of our of Atlanta location. The invite was for me and the local president, John. It wasn’t unusual fro the three of us to have meetings especially as the end of the year approached. What was unusual was the timing. The meeting was being scheduled for that same day.
I was frustrated. I almost clicked decline. It has been a busy day. I didn’t have time for conference call for which no agenda had been provided. On top of that I had an appointment that evening. If I stayed late at work for this call I would miss my appointment. Yet, it was my boss and I am expected to be available when requested for meetings.
I breathed deeply thinking through my options. I could stay late and miss my appointment or I could take the call from home. That way I would still be able to make my appointment. The risk I ran would be that my laptop connection would fail or I could have a bad cell phone connection with no land line available.
I clicked “accept” and opted to take the call from home.
I drove home pondering what the call could be about. As a Regional Credit Manager I am responsible for collections and it has been a tough year. We had some challenging situations with a number of customers. Could there be something else? Was it going to be my last conference call? Maybe the intent was to fire me. After all it was very late in the afternoon, perfect time to let someone go. My mind raced filling with all sorts of “what if” scenarios.
The call was brief. It lasted no more than 10 minutes. No, I’d not lost my job, not yet anyway. The sole purpose of the call was for Ken to announce that corporate was not happy with our numbers and he’d be arriving the next morning to work through each account and evaluate every situation with me and my team.
The call itself was odd. It was almost as though it was a conversation between Ken and John and I was eavesdropping. Finally as the conversation was closing I decided I needed to express I too was concerned about our situation. I acknowledged that I was willing to work for improvement and welcomed the opportunity to work more closely with Ken. Those were politically correct comments and I made because I needed to do so, not because I believed them. With that the call ended.
I hung up, shut down my computer and wondered. I wondered what this really was all about. Did I still have a job? Was this short notice visit actually to work toward improvement or was it to give me the opportunity to find a job elsewhere?
The evening went on and eventually as I prayed about the situation I was able to put it out of my mind telling myself I would think about it, deal with it, in the morning. After tossing and turning most of the night I woke the next day tense and on edge. As I was about to leave for the office I noticed my laptop on the table and thought to myself, “You’d better not forget that.“. I should have picked it up then and placed it by the door. I did not.
As I drove to work, the negative thoughts escalated. I went from knowing I was going to be fired to I will never be able to find a job at the same pay rate and therefore I will not be able to pay my bills. On and on the circle went, my blood pressure rose and the knots in my upset stomach tightened. As I drove into the parking lot and parked my car I realized I was arriving later than I had planed. And then it hit me. A voice screamed in my head…MY LAPTOP!!! I could picture it in my mind’s eye. It was sitting at the table right where I had left it the night before. My thoughts yelled, “Nooooooo!” as I pounded the steering wheel.
It would take me an hour to drive home and back. Ken was due to arrive in two hours. How could this happen? I texted my assistant manager and told her I was headed home to get my forgotten laptop and I drove away.
Frustration ran high all the way home. I was repeatedly asked God, “How this could have happened? How could I have forgotten my laptop?” My stomach ached. I was angry. I was very grumpy to say the least.
On the drive back I turned on the radio. I generally listen to a local Christian radio station and that is what came on. The music almost irritated me. I was mad. I wanted to be angry.
Suddenly my mind caught the words of a verse being shared by one of the DJs. It was Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” (NLT) What I heard was, “He who trusts God will find peace.”
Almost instantly I felt a feeling of peace fall over me as I realized all this anger, frustration and fear was the result of my failure to trust God. My thoughts suddenly did a 180 degree turn to:
If I lose my job, it’s because God had something better planned.
If I don’t make the same salary, God will provide. He always has.
Maybe there is something I can learn from Ken.
There are things I can do better.
One positive thought after another flowed through my mind and my soul sang. I drove into the parking lot and as I pulled into the parking space I realized I had not accidentally forgotten my laptop. God had planned for me to forget. He knew my state of mind and what it would take to redirect my thoughts to focus on Him. He had the perfect solution. He knew to give me His words that would change everything.
As I walked into work with a smile on my face, a calm stomach and a peace filled mind, I thanked God for His goodness.
JW