Sorry is Not Enough
Growing up in Newark, NJ, I got into my fair share of fights. I like to think I held my own, but it’s hard to really know, because back then, we all wanted to fight like Bruce Lee. You know the deal: flying and roundhouse kicks, followed by a flurry of knuckle punches. We’d usually end up exhausted from trying out all those moves we saw on TV. But that’s another story.
What I want to talk about today is a time when it wasn’t play-fighting – a time when I really caused pain, not to a person, but to God. In my self-centeredness, I fought against God and hurt Him. Yes, God has feelings. As it says in Genesis:
- “So the Lord was sorry that He had made mankind on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.” (Gen 6:5-6, NASB)
Here’s my story: I was visiting a church, and the pastor was about to serve communion, which, as I knew, is a sacred Christian practice. Thinking I was somehow wiser, I started mocking the “old-fashioned and formal” way communion was being done. I thought I was being subtle, but the pastor stopped the service to call me out on my behavior.
The Bible speaks to this:
- “But a person must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For the one who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not properly recognize the body. For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number are asleep. But if we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged.” (1 Cor 5:28-31, NASB)
I was ashamed, but not truly remorseful. I mumbled a half-hearted “I’m sorry” to God, mainly so I could feel better and leave the whole forgiveness thing up to Him.
That’s the problem with just saying “I’m sorry.” It puts the burden of forgiveness entirely on the person who was hurt. The words themselves don’t really show remorse, or in my case, repentance.
Fast forward quite a bit.
Years later, I was working in my yard when God brought that moment at communion back to my mind. I felt Him say, “I expect you to struggle and sometimes fail, but I didn’t expect that from you.” I was devastated. Tears welled up, and I immediately asked for forgiveness, because, for the first time, I truly understood the pain I had caused Him.
Repentance isn’t just saying “I’m sorry.” It starts with feeling the hurt you’ve caused someone and genuinely wanting to take that pain away. I would have given anything to go back and erase that moment. Instead, all I could do was say, “I am so sorry, Lord, for the pain I caused You. Please forgive me.”
Yes, I was forgiven. But I still remember the hurt, and that memory keeps me in check. I don’t want to go down that road again.
- “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NASB)
EM